"Unzip your balls"

The trade deadline is looming, the Phillies are a prime contender for the crown. The Philadelphia Phillies, who since 1903 have won the World Series only twice, the storied losers of the Great Depression, the collapse of 1964, the futility of the late 70's, the flash in the pan of 1993, the afterthought of the 90's and the early part of this decade, are now World Champions. They have the opportunity to be, as Bill Swerski's superfans put it, a "dynasty in progress". Plainly, fucking get Roy Halladay. The pieces are in place, everyone is healthy as of now **knock on wood**, make it happen in 09. Look at the Mets. That could easily be anybody next year. I was talkin to my friend Lou who is NOT a Phillies fan, but obviously an astute observer of baseball. The following is our text conversation on this matter:

JI: I have a feeling zack duke will be a phillie, and im good with that
LD: thats a decent buy low deal, but i still think toronto blinks by friday
JI: I would love that, they will if they wanna sell halladay high
LD: They wont get more over the winter and especially next year than they would get now. if im the phils, i may blink too and give them drabek. Puts alot of pressure on him going forward if he is known as the halladay deal breaker. Plus if the phillies get another series from this deal no one will care how good Drabek turns out to be in 3 years. Because toronto won't win anything anyway
JI: I want halladay badly. Its managements job to put the team in position to win next 5 years not just this year
JI: Very true, he will have a ton of weight on his back if phillies don't parade again and he isn't dominant
LD: 1. Worry about signing him when the time comes. 2. if he likes it here he may not feel desire for likely a bigger offer in ny or boston 3. Why can't the phils build a dynasty? The yankees and sox dont have to be the only perennially good teams. They need to unzip their balls here. You think they're popular now? See how it looks after 3 straight pennants. That makes top free agents want to come here and brings in the cash to pay them.
JI: I totally agree. I've felt that way since the Toby Borland days. Stop being such a corporation
JI: But they love thier prospects
LD: Or they can just go back to being a pretty good likeable ballclub in a town that will always care about the eagles more
JI: You're inserting a lot of anxiety into this for me haha
LD: I just had a soapbox moment. Couldn't contain myself.
JI: Its status update worthy
LD: Obliged. And point out that I am not a phillies fan



Note: I feel Lou wants the Phillies to get Halladay and go on a dynasty run simply to spite the Eagles and steal their fire, but that works for me.

Worst Party Productions

Check out these videos from Worst Party Productions:

"Baseball Cards": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ssr6TEDrwcM

"Quantum Boggs": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJyAi8KfWkU


These movies are amazing and do not get enough credit in the short film youtube world. Not everyone will understand and appreciate the work Worst Party Productions does, but those who don't get it simply don't matter.

Robert Dean

Robert Dean was just a boy...a boy who would become a man...a man destined for Pro Set glory. "On August 19, 1991, the 5 millionth visitor to the NFL HOF walked through the turnstyle. Robert Dean, a gangly 14 year old from Portland, Oregon was showered with a $1,000 shopping spree in the museum's shop, a lifetime membership, and his very own trading card with his picture on it. The family didn't even have plans to visit the Hall of Fame that day. According to family legend, Robert's father Steve missed the exit on the turnpike and decided to take the scenic route. They ended up on route 62 and decided to stop at the Hall of Fame". This had to be a turning point in young Robert's life. This Rick Moranis look-alike went from bridge-framed glasses dorkhood to the front a Pro Set baseball card.

Frank Brickowski

What a great basketball name!!! This card is from the NBA Hoops set, baseball cards that the NBA printed back in 1990. Brickowski's wikipedia is pretty boring, Frank was a journeyman in the truest sense of the word. After he played college ball at Penn St., Brickowski play for Cagiva Varese (1981-1982)Reims CAUFA (1982-1983)Maccabi Tel Aviv (1983-1984)Seattle SuperSonics (1984-1986, 1995-1996)Los Angeles Lakers (1987)San Antonio Spurs (1987-1990)Milwaukee Bucks (1991-1994)Charlotte Hornets (1994)Boston Celtics (1996-1997).

What I am most curious about is his mustache. The reverse side of the card shows him in his dirty stache glory, yet the front shows him shaven. Perhaps like Mayor Clarence Royce said before shaving his facial hair a debate, "Motherfuckers makin me put my game face on". But what is a game face? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Onfzet1xxs&feature=related

Proper MLA Citation for Baseball Cards

Throughout my iluustrious academic career, I was told time and again by professors that Wikipedia is not an academic resource. That's bullshit, they just want us to work hard like they did, scanning card catalogs and microfiche for hours on end. Fuck that. They don't like that Wikipedia is an economy of effort and information. It's hassle and anxiety reduced to pill form. Wikipedia is a wonderful source of knowledge and fact, compiled from academic resources and legitimate websites. As we all know, part of creating something is properly citing your sources. The MLA website features citation formats for books of one or multiple authors, journals, broadcast interviews, and websites. However, academia in all it's glory has neglected to include the proper citation format for baseball cards. Is there a more academic resource than baseball cards? The information they provide is for the most part statistical, along wth tidbits of the players personal life, birthday and birthplace, and some trivia perhaps. Although, at times baseball cards do come with opinionated claims like "future star", "all-time great", and "the future is now". Anyway, the proper MLA citation for a baseball card:

There is no underline feature on this blog thing, but the brand and year should be underlined.

Player last name, first name. Brand, year. Sport. Set (common, insert, etc.), card number.

example:

Lind, Jose. Donruss, 1989. Baseball. Common, 290.

In-text paranthetical citation:

(Sport year brand #)

Abbreviations are to be used to keep the citation size down. No cheating and spelling out every little word so you can expand your shoddy writing. This citation method is an academic tool.
Sport Abbreviations:

Baseball = BB
Football = FB
Basketball = BK
Hockey = HK

example of in text citation:
In 1988, Jose Lind had 611 at-bats for the Pittsburgh Pirates, hitting for a .262 average (BB '89 Donruss 290).

Another thing, baseball cards encompasses all sports cards. There are no such things as basketball cards or hockey cards. They are simply baseball cards featuring another sport. All sports cards are baseball cards.

example of an INCORRECT statement:

Dude, what is my Wayne Gretzky hockey card worth?

example of correct statement:

Dude, check out my Rod Brind'Amour baseball cards.

Baseball cards are now an academic resource, as is wikipedia. Thanks.

Kurt Abbott

This is the reverse side of Kurt Abbott's 1993 Upper Deck Collector's Choice. Collector's Fuckin Choice baby! Look at that ugly-ass finish he has, there is no way he got a knock there. Clearly he's lunging at something. If I'm Kurt Abbott, I am pissed about this crappy picture. Man worked his entire life to get to Major League Baseball and they show way out in front of something. Wikipedia facts: Kurt Abbott now works as a Martin County Sherrifs Deputy in Martin County Florida.

Leon Durham

The trivial Wikipedia facts on Leon Durham are delicious. However, why the fuck have I owned this baseball card since roughly 1988? Because Leon Durham had a supporting role as Leon Alexander, a member of the Minnesota Twins, in the film Little Big League. Durham appears briefly in the movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off. He is the first baseman in the sequence where Braves outfielder Claudell Washington hits a foul ball caught by the titular character.

I couldn't also help look up the word titular.

adjective
1.
existing or being such in title only; nominal; having the title but none of the associated duties, powers, etc.: the titular head of the company.
2.
from whom or which a title or name is taken: His titular Saint is Michael.
3.
of, pertaining to, or of the nature of a title.
4.
having a title, esp. of rank.
5.
designating any of the Roman Catholic churches in Rome whose nominal incumbents are cardinals.