"Unzip your balls"

The trade deadline is looming, the Phillies are a prime contender for the crown. The Philadelphia Phillies, who since 1903 have won the World Series only twice, the storied losers of the Great Depression, the collapse of 1964, the futility of the late 70's, the flash in the pan of 1993, the afterthought of the 90's and the early part of this decade, are now World Champions. They have the opportunity to be, as Bill Swerski's superfans put it, a "dynasty in progress". Plainly, fucking get Roy Halladay. The pieces are in place, everyone is healthy as of now **knock on wood**, make it happen in 09. Look at the Mets. That could easily be anybody next year. I was talkin to my friend Lou who is NOT a Phillies fan, but obviously an astute observer of baseball. The following is our text conversation on this matter:

JI: I have a feeling zack duke will be a phillie, and im good with that
LD: thats a decent buy low deal, but i still think toronto blinks by friday
JI: I would love that, they will if they wanna sell halladay high
LD: They wont get more over the winter and especially next year than they would get now. if im the phils, i may blink too and give them drabek. Puts alot of pressure on him going forward if he is known as the halladay deal breaker. Plus if the phillies get another series from this deal no one will care how good Drabek turns out to be in 3 years. Because toronto won't win anything anyway
JI: I want halladay badly. Its managements job to put the team in position to win next 5 years not just this year
JI: Very true, he will have a ton of weight on his back if phillies don't parade again and he isn't dominant
LD: 1. Worry about signing him when the time comes. 2. if he likes it here he may not feel desire for likely a bigger offer in ny or boston 3. Why can't the phils build a dynasty? The yankees and sox dont have to be the only perennially good teams. They need to unzip their balls here. You think they're popular now? See how it looks after 3 straight pennants. That makes top free agents want to come here and brings in the cash to pay them.
JI: I totally agree. I've felt that way since the Toby Borland days. Stop being such a corporation
JI: But they love thier prospects
LD: Or they can just go back to being a pretty good likeable ballclub in a town that will always care about the eagles more
JI: You're inserting a lot of anxiety into this for me haha
LD: I just had a soapbox moment. Couldn't contain myself.
JI: Its status update worthy
LD: Obliged. And point out that I am not a phillies fan



Note: I feel Lou wants the Phillies to get Halladay and go on a dynasty run simply to spite the Eagles and steal their fire, but that works for me.

Worst Party Productions

Check out these videos from Worst Party Productions:

"Baseball Cards": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ssr6TEDrwcM

"Quantum Boggs": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJyAi8KfWkU


These movies are amazing and do not get enough credit in the short film youtube world. Not everyone will understand and appreciate the work Worst Party Productions does, but those who don't get it simply don't matter.

Robert Dean

Robert Dean was just a boy...a boy who would become a man...a man destined for Pro Set glory. "On August 19, 1991, the 5 millionth visitor to the NFL HOF walked through the turnstyle. Robert Dean, a gangly 14 year old from Portland, Oregon was showered with a $1,000 shopping spree in the museum's shop, a lifetime membership, and his very own trading card with his picture on it. The family didn't even have plans to visit the Hall of Fame that day. According to family legend, Robert's father Steve missed the exit on the turnpike and decided to take the scenic route. They ended up on route 62 and decided to stop at the Hall of Fame". This had to be a turning point in young Robert's life. This Rick Moranis look-alike went from bridge-framed glasses dorkhood to the front a Pro Set baseball card.

Frank Brickowski

What a great basketball name!!! This card is from the NBA Hoops set, baseball cards that the NBA printed back in 1990. Brickowski's wikipedia is pretty boring, Frank was a journeyman in the truest sense of the word. After he played college ball at Penn St., Brickowski play for Cagiva Varese (1981-1982)Reims CAUFA (1982-1983)Maccabi Tel Aviv (1983-1984)Seattle SuperSonics (1984-1986, 1995-1996)Los Angeles Lakers (1987)San Antonio Spurs (1987-1990)Milwaukee Bucks (1991-1994)Charlotte Hornets (1994)Boston Celtics (1996-1997).

What I am most curious about is his mustache. The reverse side of the card shows him in his dirty stache glory, yet the front shows him shaven. Perhaps like Mayor Clarence Royce said before shaving his facial hair a debate, "Motherfuckers makin me put my game face on". But what is a game face? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Onfzet1xxs&feature=related

Proper MLA Citation for Baseball Cards

Throughout my iluustrious academic career, I was told time and again by professors that Wikipedia is not an academic resource. That's bullshit, they just want us to work hard like they did, scanning card catalogs and microfiche for hours on end. Fuck that. They don't like that Wikipedia is an economy of effort and information. It's hassle and anxiety reduced to pill form. Wikipedia is a wonderful source of knowledge and fact, compiled from academic resources and legitimate websites. As we all know, part of creating something is properly citing your sources. The MLA website features citation formats for books of one or multiple authors, journals, broadcast interviews, and websites. However, academia in all it's glory has neglected to include the proper citation format for baseball cards. Is there a more academic resource than baseball cards? The information they provide is for the most part statistical, along wth tidbits of the players personal life, birthday and birthplace, and some trivia perhaps. Although, at times baseball cards do come with opinionated claims like "future star", "all-time great", and "the future is now". Anyway, the proper MLA citation for a baseball card:

There is no underline feature on this blog thing, but the brand and year should be underlined.

Player last name, first name. Brand, year. Sport. Set (common, insert, etc.), card number.

example:

Lind, Jose. Donruss, 1989. Baseball. Common, 290.

In-text paranthetical citation:

(Sport year brand #)

Abbreviations are to be used to keep the citation size down. No cheating and spelling out every little word so you can expand your shoddy writing. This citation method is an academic tool.
Sport Abbreviations:

Baseball = BB
Football = FB
Basketball = BK
Hockey = HK

example of in text citation:
In 1988, Jose Lind had 611 at-bats for the Pittsburgh Pirates, hitting for a .262 average (BB '89 Donruss 290).

Another thing, baseball cards encompasses all sports cards. There are no such things as basketball cards or hockey cards. They are simply baseball cards featuring another sport. All sports cards are baseball cards.

example of an INCORRECT statement:

Dude, what is my Wayne Gretzky hockey card worth?

example of correct statement:

Dude, check out my Rod Brind'Amour baseball cards.

Baseball cards are now an academic resource, as is wikipedia. Thanks.

Kurt Abbott

This is the reverse side of Kurt Abbott's 1993 Upper Deck Collector's Choice. Collector's Fuckin Choice baby! Look at that ugly-ass finish he has, there is no way he got a knock there. Clearly he's lunging at something. If I'm Kurt Abbott, I am pissed about this crappy picture. Man worked his entire life to get to Major League Baseball and they show way out in front of something. Wikipedia facts: Kurt Abbott now works as a Martin County Sherrifs Deputy in Martin County Florida.

Leon Durham

The trivial Wikipedia facts on Leon Durham are delicious. However, why the fuck have I owned this baseball card since roughly 1988? Because Leon Durham had a supporting role as Leon Alexander, a member of the Minnesota Twins, in the film Little Big League. Durham appears briefly in the movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off. He is the first baseman in the sequence where Braves outfielder Claudell Washington hits a foul ball caught by the titular character.

I couldn't also help look up the word titular.

adjective
1.
existing or being such in title only; nominal; having the title but none of the associated duties, powers, etc.: the titular head of the company.
2.
from whom or which a title or name is taken: His titular Saint is Michael.
3.
of, pertaining to, or of the nature of a title.
4.
having a title, esp. of rank.
5.
designating any of the Roman Catholic churches in Rome whose nominal incumbents are cardinals.

Vincent Askew

This guy's wikipedia is just too good. This man is aptly named Vincent Askew. AKA: Vincent Astray, Amiss, Deformed, Uneven, Unshapely, and Wrong. Without further ado, here is all you need to know about Vincent Wrong: Askew played in nine NBA seasons for eight different teams.

Rance Mulliniks

Gotta love the 1990 Donruss with the red paint-blotched border. Featured is Texas native Rance Mulliniks in his rifle range safety glasses. Wiki facts on Rance Mulliniks: In 1984 he was named to Sports Illustrated's Dream Team as a utility infielder. A fielding play where Mulliniks missed the ball was once described as "Rance does a dance, but no chance."

Don Aase

Don Aase. aka Don Ass. This 1988 Topps card displays the 80's stache at its best. This card has no value. None. There is actually a lot of Don Aase crap for sale on ebay if anyone is interested. Wiki Facts on Don Aase: In spite of his name starting with two "A"s, he is only fourth in the major league alphabetical list, after David Aardsma, Hank Aaron, and Tommie Aaron.

Mike "King" Kelly

King Kelly. Any baseball fan worth a damn has at least heard of this guy. As a kid I was enamored with this man. Some say Babe Ruth was the first "superstar", but King Kelly was the man of the late 19th century. He played so long ago!!! His father fought for the Union in the civil war. Kelly's Wikipedia is a fucking goldmine: He is also often credited with popularizing various strategies as a player such as the hit and run, the hook slide, and the catcher's practice of backing up first base. When Mike was born, he almost died of a heart failure. Kelly was now a young, good-looking man in the big city with money in his pocket. Rather than buying a house, he immediately moved into the Palmer House, the loudest, brashest, most garish and, according to its literature, "fire-proof" hotel in the world. He was rarely seen without his pet monkey on his shoulder and his Japanese valet at his side and he opened a saloon with some drinking buddies. Since then-current rules allowed for player substitution at any time, he leapt off the bench, yelled "Kelly now catching for Boston," and caught the ball for out number three. This prompted a rule change to the effect that substitutions could only be made during timeouts.[1] Kelly is also considered to have been the first man to popularize autographing, as fans pursued him on his way to the ballpark for his signature in the 1890s. Baseball games had only a single umpire at the time, and Kelly would watch the umpire to see if he was watching the play at first base or looking to see if a ball landed fair or foul. When convinced the umpire's back was turned, Kelly would immediately run across the diamond to the next base, skipping either second or third, in full view of thousands of fans. Kelly was legendary for trying to subvert the rules in many other ways. As an infielder, he would occasionally intentionally trip baserunners and drop easy fly balls to convert double plays. Playing right field one day in an extra-inning game with darkness approaching, he made an apparent spectacular grab of a line shot over his head. When the umpire called the game on account of darkness, Kelly was asked by his teammates how far that ball had traveled. "How would I know?" Kelly answered. That ball was three feet over my head." Kelly had pulled a spare ball out of his uniform and only pretended to make the catch.

Matt Whiteside

Never heard of Matt Whiteside, yet I have owned his baseball card since 1994, and I kept it in excellent condition. Why??? Here's why: On July 15, 2005, Whiteside was suspended for 15 games for violating minor league baseball's steroid policy. In 1996, he served as a guest judge at the Miss USA Pageant.

I apologize to nobody for keeping my baseball cards!!!

Ron Gant

Ron Gant. What can I say about Ron Gant? Had a few decent roid-fueled seasons. This 1992 O-Pee-Chee features Gant prominently. However, before allowing all my Ron Gant crap to take up space in my room, I should've checked Wikipedia: Shortly after signing one of the richest contracts in Braves history in 1994, Gant broke his right leg in an ATV accident. The Braves ended up releasing him; He wouldn't play again until 1995. Former teammate Paul Assenmacher described Gant as "too self-absorbed" to become a standout player. He is one of three batters that Goose Gossage has admitted to hitting intentionally.[1]

Kirby Puckett and Bo Jackson...ON THE SAME FUCKING CARD!!!!!

How this gem has no monetary value is beyond me. Its a candid of 2 of the most prominent athletes of the late 80's early 90's. Wiki fact on Kirby Puckett: One of Puckett's companions of many years commented once that when Puckett could not play baseball anymore, "He started to become full of himself and very abusive." His weight ballooned to more than 350 pounds and he was alleged to have begun to perform lewd acts in public, such as masturbating in the parking lot of a shopping center in plain view of other people. Wiki fact on Bo Jackson: he also played football.

Gerald Young

Here is Gerald Young's 1991 Score card. Wiki fact: In January 1995, Young was charged with cocaine possession when Houston Police Department officers found a crack pipe with cocaine residue in the vehicle that he was driving. He would never play major league baseball again. Glad I held onto this one.

Rob Murphy

This is Rob Murphy. Not a bad career. This card has no value. 1992 Score no. 492., no ebay sale record. Wiki fact: Pitching for the Houston Astros in 1991, Murphy sets what is believed to be a major league record by appearing in his 121st straight game without a win. Before him, reliever Tom Henke had pitched in 120 consecutive winless games between 1986 and 1988

Worthless Wikipedia Facts on Worthless Sports Cards

This is something new I am going to try. I was cleaning out my room today, and I am finally getting rid of my utterly worthless baseball cards that clutter my closet space. As a child, I figured one day these cards would be my meal ticket to a lavish early retirement. This has not proved to be the case. But thats OK, baseball cards are supposed to be fun. Its not about the money. I will start writing posts again in the near future, but in the meantime, I will be making baseball cards fun again. I will attach photos of worthless baseball cards, along with chuckle-worthy wikipedia facts on the professional athlete on the face. This concept is inspired by the creative geniuses from joesportsfan.com.
As a young lad, I collected baseball cards and other sports memorbilia because it brought me happiness. I enjoyed reading the facts on these guys, trading cards with my boys, and taking good care of them. Pardon me for sounding like everyone's grandfather but kids today don't get baseball cards. They're too busy texting, ipoding, and twittering or whatever weak and worthless activity that they take part in.
Anyway, enjoy the posts.

The Ten Commandments of Ready Golf

After tending to the flocks of Jethro leading my people in the desert between Cherry Hill and Philadelphia for quite some time, I received a message from God to go atop Mt. Sinai. There, he told me of his displeasure with the state of slow play. He then gave me two stone tablets to bring back. These are inscribed with his Ten Commandments of Ready Golf.

1. "I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of wifehood, you shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make yourself an idol, taking more than two practice swings, thinking your are a one of the chosen ones on tour. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I the LORD your God am a jealous God, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and fourth generation of those who reject me, but showing steadfast love to the thousandth generation of those who love me and keep my commandments."

2. "You shall not make wrongful use of GPS and laser distance measuring devices, for the LORD will not acquit anyone who misuses these usless toys."

3. "Observe the sabbath day and keep it holy and play golf, as the LORD your God commanded you. Six days you shall labor and do all your work. But the seventh day is a sabbath to the LORD your God; you shall not do any work, stay off the cell phone, no texting calling, or use of bluetooth technology—you, or your son or your daughter, or your male or female slave, or your ox or your donkey, or any of your livestock, or the resident alien in your towns, so that your male and female slave may rest as well as you. Remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt, and the LORD your God brought you out from there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm; therefore the LORD your God commanded you to keep the sabbath day."

4. "Honor your father and your mother, play golf with them, but remember it is Quality time, not Quantity Time, observe a triple bogey maximum, as the LORD your God commanded you, so that your days may be long and that it may go well with you in the land that the LORD your God is giving you."

5. "You shall not kill, or tempt those behind you to hit up on you. "

6. "Neither shall you commit adultery, or fraternize with those not in your foursome."

7. "Neither shall your steal, nor shall you practice putting after all balls have been holed."

8. "Neither shall you bear false witness against your neighbor, thus causing a time consuming argument regarding rules, number of strokes taken, and whether or not the ball is in bounds."

9. "Neither shall you covet your neighbor's wife, or his Taylor Made R9 Driver with Flight Control Technology."

10. ""Neither shall you desire your neighbor's house, or field, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."

Fat Fuck Follow Up

A good solution to the American fat fuck epidemic. Once a year the government should have mandatory weigh ins for each and every American. Those that are overweight will be put into boot camp until such time their weight comes down to an appropriate level. Why should physically fit people have to pay for health insurance so fat fucks can drain the system.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IayHnA0cGuc

What Are You Looking At????

Ok the last post was heavy, but I felt it was necessary. Thanks for reading it. As a reward, I will do all I can to make this post amusing. Today I was in the cafeteria getting some excellent man fuel as I always do. I'm at the salad bar carefully plucking delicious egg whites from the ground up hard-boiled egg bowl. After working out, I usually eat about 2 small plates of nothing but egg whites. This behavior might appear peculiar to some, getting nothing but egg whites at the salad bar. Anyway. Today, with the steady hands of a surgeon, I was picking the egg whites out of the salad bar with a pair of tongs. And I look up to see this fat fuck looking at me with a "what is this guy about" look on his fucking jiggly grill. It's called discipline and self control you tub of lard. Sure it's easy to grab a few scones, mac and cheese and a CUPCAKE. But thats why you're you and not me. Understand? How about I come and fucking stare at you when you load your plate chocolate chip cookies and get a nice big cold glass of WHOLE milk. Man that would be swell. And then how about I follow you back to your room staring at you with a quizzical glare as sweat forms on your forehead and upper lip as you are slightly out of breath. And when were back at your room I continue to fix my gaze upon you as you sit in your chair with a Coke as you kick back to watch some TV and "unwind" for the rest of the damn day. Every fiber of your being is soft. You have no mettle. No self respect. And you have NO EXCUSE. Fuck you.
This post was only sort of funny, but I have to go somewhere and cut this short. There will no doubt be more fat bashing thoughts to come, I promise.

Tropic Blunder

This is post is not meant to be funny. Tropic Thunder was meant to be funny. In a disrespectful, tasteless, and pretentious manor, this movie makes a mockery of the perils faced by those who have bravely defended the United States. Even worse, they show scenes where they are taken prisoner and tortured. Am I supposed to think this is funny? Am I supposed to think a man having his limbs blown off is amusing, when in real life I see servicemen coming back from the middle east missing arms and legs? I guess it's no big deal these days to laugh at what these guys have done for us. Don't tell me I'm over-reacting to this, that I'm too old school, or that I'm overly sensitive. I can be as mean-spirited as anybody, but I was highly offended by this movie. I gave it a shot and couldn't even finish it. Think of families that have lost loved ones in war. I doubt they would find Tropic Thunder very amusing.
I understand it is supposed to be a silly farce and a spoof of movies like Platoon. They went way too far for my liking. It isn't bad enough Vietnam veterans got shunned and spit on when they came home, now they have to have Nick Nolte portray a character that makes them all look like deranged, bloodthirsty, drugged up, burnouts. How unfair. Hollywood has done justice to Vietnam veterans with films of depth such as Platoon, The Deer Hunter, and most recently Rescue Dawn. These films weren't meant to glorify violence, they portrayed emotional and physical pain with dignity and respect. But I guess Ben Stiller finds those things amusing, as does a good part of the American public. After World War II, no one would have dared to make such a disgraceful movie as Tropic Thunder. To me, Tropic Thunder treats veterans with same regard Johnny Knoxville has for the disabled in his disastrous monstrosity "The Ringer".
I am the first to get annoyed when someone can't take an offensive joke. Tropic Thunder was just to much for me. I sleep safely at night, and wake up every morning in a free nation because of what American servicemen and women have done for me and millions of others. Appreciate where you are.
It is my belief that when something or someone bothers you, the best thing you can do is to ignore it if possible. I have said my peace, and I hope others can see my point.

DISCLAIMER

I'm going to start a new recurring section in this blog. It will deal with the disclaimers seen in commercials that reflect the utter stupidity of the American public. I will post from time to time on various warnings and disclaimers that I see on TV. I have noticed this going on for a while and I thought it would be fun to keep track of these warnings. This morning I saw a commercial for a nasal spray. It's a nasal spray, I forget the brand, yet there was a warning to not squirt the product into your eyes or mouth. What dumb shit would do such a thing? Are people that fuckin dumb? Yes. The disclaimer exists because the company probably got sued by some fucknut that sprayed the product into their eyes and got injured. No fuckin common sense. Once saw a Jeep commercial in which a Jeep was driven underwater and there was a message "DO NOT ATTEMPT"...good thing because I was about to try that. Who would've thought that a flooded engine wouldn't work or that I might drown. Jeep also had a commercial in which the vehicle was driven directly up a vertical cliff. The disclaimer read "DRAMATIZATION". No shit. Guess I can't fly my Honda to the moon either.

You're American

It's St. Patrick's Day. Let me make this clear, I have nothing against any ethnicity. However, I am very unimpressed by the bogus ethnic pride I see in Americans. St Patrick's Day is the perfect example of this. 99.99% of the people boasting their Irish pride today have never been to Ireland, don't really know a damn thing about Ireland, and they pose in thier green shirts and whatnot. They don't have any living relatives that come from the old country, and they probably never knew any. This is my question to all these ethnic pride sheep (Irish and Italians are the primary perpetrators): If Ireland/Italy/wherever is so damn special, why did your ancestors leave? Here's why, because they were so desperately poor and impoverished, they would rather abandon their homeland to live an impoverished existence in the U.S. You're American, everything you know and understand is American, Ireland has done nothing for you. Ever. Just because you studied for a semester in a country doesn't make you a part of it. Although I wouldn't mind if you stayed so I no longer have to endure your phony misplaced ethnic enthusiasm. Stop with the parades, t-shirts, tattoos, flags, and drinking paraphernalia. Why don't you embrace where you're actually from. I've never seen a Cherry Hill tattoo. Not a bad idea.
Back to my point about our ancestors abandoning the old country. Why do we embrace these nations so much? Our families were suffering so badly that they left. The greatest thing to ever happen to us is that our ancestors got out of these shitty nations and came to the beautiful USA.

No Anxiety Please

It is my goal in life to minimize my overall level of anxiety and the angst of those around me. This approach has its pros and cons. Dictionary.com defines anxiety "concern or solicitude respecting some thing or event, future or uncertain, which disturbs the mind, and keeps it in a state of painful uneasiness". I don't like confrontation, drama, or bitterness. If someone pisses you off, avoid them or don't listen to them. There is nothing worse than a restless mind, pursuing answers and coming away with only more questions. All I want to do is hang out, laugh, and analyze. Its that simple. I'm comfortable with who I am, who my friends are, and where I'm going in life. Expect little and you'll always be satisfied Confucius said. Count your blessings and be happy. Know what you can control and what you can't, and just RELAX.

Why do I care about sports?

It's entertainment. Every game is like a movie, but no matter how much you think you know about the game, you just don't know what will happen in the end. Nothing is scripted, and nothing is certain (sometimes it may seem it is). The 4 major sports are all interesting and unique, I like seeing them played at the highest level. Professional sports is the pursuit of excellence. To see it on display during competition is something to be appreciated. To me, pro athletes are real life superheroes. They go out there and do things we can only dream of. I can't hit a curveball, complete a pass into double coverage, stop a 100 mph slapshot in traffic, or try to contain lebron james. Anyone who has played sports can appreciate what it takes for these guys to get to this level.
Why do I care so much about my teams? These guys aren't from philly, and they dont know who I am. At the end of the day, it has no bearing on my life. So why the hell do I watch it on tv, read about it, and so on? When you watch these teams from a young age, they become part of your identity. It's more about sentiment and appreciation of tradition as you get older. You either understand it or you don't. When these men put on a jersey, they are representing you. They're going to play to the best of their ability to try and bring glory to where you live. They provide a distraction from the other crap in your life for 3 hours. The beauty is that it is irrelevant. If your team loses, then oh well they lost, life goes on. But, if they win, BE HAPPY!
Personally, I love the continuous flow and change of sports. The coming and going of different players, great teams, and so on. The highs and lows are what make it interesting. The dismal 06-07 Flyers campaign, made 07-08 that much sweeter. The conclusion of the 34 year Stanley Cup drought in Philadelphia will taste like nothing else when they hoist that big ass trophy come Spring. Just watch.
Another reason to watch pro sports is to see guys go out and get a job done. No excuses or sad stories, they just go out and execute. I love seeing Utley bear down in a deep count, or Mike Richards winning a big draw. Dudes just get it done. They're the best at what they do and they fuckin know it.

Sports Fans

Passionate, loyal, rabid. These are some words to describe Philadelphia sports fans. Apparently, every single person living in the Delaware Valley is a lifelong devotee of all 4 major sports teams in Philly. And you can tell this is true by the Mitchell and Ness jerseys everyone poses in at the local bars. Philadelphia sports fans are no more or less special than the sports fans of every other city. From 1994-2005 the Phillies ranged from dismal to painfully mediocre, so it's understandable why the Vet was a ghost stadium with the exception of fireworks night. However, don't tell me you've been with this team since you were 8 because you think you followed the 93 team and because you went to a game or two here and there with your little league team. The average asshole in a throwback hat or jersey they bought after the 07 NL East div crown doesn't know Robert Person from Carlton Loewer. Or Travis Lee (who was granted released by the Wash Nats in 07 because of his "lack of desire to play the game") from Mark Lewis. Run on sentences are my style, deal with it.
Philadelphia is not an exception to the bandwagon phenomenon. They're in every city, for every team, and they are loud, stupid, and obnoxious. Just please stop. You're the same dickheads that flipped cars and burned stuff after the World Series win. Don't take my teams success as an excuse to fuck shit up. How dare you attempt to associate yourself with me. I wore a Scott Rolen t-shirt jersey to school in 7th and 8th grade (1998-2000) and got ridiculed (yes, I was a loser). This column is for every loyal Phillies fan or fan of any team that has had to endure poser fans.
The telltale signs of a poser fan:
1. is female
2. wearing a throwback to make it look like they've been fan since Chuck Bednarik was an Eagle, even though the jerkoff wearing the jersey is 22 years old
3. tattered hat
4. NL east or NL champion shirt/hat

5 you have facebook pictures of yourself at the parade, wearing your Phillies gear with tags still on it
6 you have facebook pics of yourself at games, holding your miller lite
7 you wear a green Phillies/Flyers/whatever jersey or a pink eagles jersey, stop trying to be different, we don't give a fuck if you're irish, italian or whatever
8 you get kicked out of the stadium for being a drunken asshole
9 your hat has a world series logo, has a straight brim, and still has the new era logo sticker on it
10you attend or graduated from Villanova university

I'm tired of writing this. You get my point.

The Bruce Springsteen Factor

Walking out of the theater after seeing SLumdog Millionaire, which I really enjoyed and recommend to everyone, I was very happy with what I saw. I liked the movie. This was about 2 months before the Academy Awards. As time went by after watching this movie, I realized that it's popularity was becoming widespread. People were telling me it was the best movie they ever saw. What?? People love to love something because it's popular. It helps them fit into a conversation, or gives them some sort of acceptance by proclaiming their love for something that isn't THAT great.
This is something I call "The Bruce Springsteen Factor". It's when a thing is good, people like it, yet the dull-minded masses that love to get excited over nothing have pumped that thing up end-all-be-all status. Bruce is the perfect example. His music is good. I like it too. However, I haven't been to 257 concerts. I have never yelled "BRUUUUUCE" in my life. He has a few good songs. When he's on the radio, I usually turn it off because I know people are getting more excited than they should be. The media and fans hype him up to be Jesus Christ. If it's your thing to get overly excited about something to feel good about yourself, I'm not stopping you. I'm just not that impressed.
To recap, The Bruce Springsteen Factor applies to phenomena that are hyped beyond what it atually is. Personally, I think the Factor applies to Michael Phelps, Barack Obama, Jon Legend, Dave Matthews (he sucks), and many more things that I will remember later.